The Terrible Twos In Perpetuity

Is modern parenting doing more harm than good? In this episode, I unravel the complex layers of how today's parenting practices may be inadvertently extending childhood well into the adult years. I take a hard look at the practices that label typical two-year-old behaviors as disorders and challenge the authority of parents, replacing time-tested discipline with emotion-driven reactions. By sharing my insights from inside the psychology profession and from my own creative musings, this episode proposes a reevaluation of parenting norms and mental health rhetoric. Join me as we confront these critical issues head-on, advocating for a return to principles that instill resilience and respect within the family fabric.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

You got yourself some children. They all be running wild, driving you crazy. They're keeping you up all night long. You better turn on your radio, dial up to John Goldman's show, because I said so. Well, hello and welcome or welcome back, as the case may be, to Because I Said so the only podcast on the entire World Wide Web where you will hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, concerning America's mental health professions, the scam they are running on the entire people. And you will hear the truth, the old truth and nothing but the truth, also about children and child rearing, what is now called parenting. So and I'm your host, john Roseman, and I am, by the way for those of you who are joining us perhaps for the first time a psychologist. So when I talk about psychology and America's mental health professions, I know what I'm talking about. I've seen the charade from the inside. So in one of my alter egos some of you already know this I'm a songwriter.

Speaker 1: 2:00

I began writing songs during my seven-year tenure as the lead singer in a rock and roll band, while I was in college and graduate school, and I've been writing rock and roll, rhythm and blues, blues, mostly songs ever since. Anyone who listens to this podcast hears one of my songs. In fact it's called the Because I Said so Blues, and it begins and ends every episode. I wrote the song. I do all the vocals, lead and background, and Jamie Hoover of the Sponge Tones One word Sponge Tones, the most obscure great rock and roll band ever besides the Shoes out of Chicago, plays guitar, bass and drums. So in 1992, while I was recording with the sponge tones a full cd of songs I'd written over the years, I wrote a song called preoccupied. Its first two lines are there's a slow train coming, it'll be here soon. The engineer looks like the creature from the Black Lagoon. There's a slow train coming. It'll be here soon. The engineer looks like the creature from the Black Lagoon. Yes, it's apocalyptic. I was in that sort of mood when I wrote it, not a bad mood, mind you, just a thoughtful one. Anyway, that song is apropos to this week's substack and podcast. It may be the most important sub stack slash podcast I've ever done, which is why I'm making it available to all comers as both A sub stack and podcast and a free sub stack to all comers this week, this week only this week.

Speaker 1: 4:24

This week only the slow train of the song is the slowly accelerating, accumulating, ongoing destruction caused by this thing we call parenting which, at the behest of the entire mental health professional community, replaced mere child rearing in the early 1970s in this country. The engineer who looks like the creature from the Black Lagoon is the mental health professional community whose demonic ideas have been driving this parenting train for 55 years. So with that preface, a journalist recently asked me to identify the single biggest parenting problem created by America's mental health professionals. By the way, folks, I'm recording from atop Rosemond Towers in New Bern, north Carolina. Across the street there's major construction taking place, huge trucks, huge construction machines and a lot of noise. And as I am recording, in addition to the construction noise, there is traffic noise and there is wife noise and there may be dog noise as well. In other words, the sounds of life are swirling about me as I record this podcast. I hope you don't mind. You know there would be some people who would just, you know, go bonkers. I'm talking about the podcaster would go bonkers over all this. To me it's just hey, it's life. You know it's going on as I do this, so just be aware. So this journalist asked me to identify John, what is the single biggest parenting problem created by America's mental health professions? You talk about them a lot. You talk about all the problems they have created for the American child, parent, family culture, family culture, school, etc. Can you identify the single biggest problem they created? And I told her that post-1960s parenting, which I call post-modern psychological parenting because I love alliteration Fails to cure the terrible twos, fails. Postmodern, in other words relativistic. Psychological, in other words focused primarily on children's feelings. Parenting feeds the terrible twos, in fact calls, causes the terribles to last indefinitely, sometimes even well into adulthood.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Some of you listeners, readers, probably know a person over the age of 21, chronologically, who is still emotionally a toddler. You do, don't you? You're thinking about him right now. The onset of the terrible twos, which usually occurs during the second half of the second year of a child's life, is where child raising begins. Until then, pretty much all parents do is caretaking. The discipling of the child begins, or should, with the onset of the terrible twos.

Speaker 1: 8:23

The first big hurdle in the raising of a child is to cure toddlerhood, to cause the terrible two-year-old to submit to his parents' authority, to initiate the process of helping the child bring his emotions under his control and begin using them creatively rather than destructively, to start acquiring the lifelong benefit of obedience to legitimate authority, to begin the transformation from psychotic tyrant to a good citizen who loves God with the entirety of his being and loves his neighbor as much as he loves himself, which is arguably the tallest of orders for a sinful human being. Do you know someone who's frequently on or over the edge of an emotional explosion? You almost certainly do. I'm talking about an adult. They're everywhere.

Speaker 1: 9:31

It seems that person is unequivocally responsible for the chaos, confusion and destruction they cause. That person is actually not the first cause of his or her problems, the first cause of the people who were taking care of him when he flipped into the terrible some six months prior to or after his second birthday. Those people did not understand that they were now engaged in a battle for the child's mind and soul, a battle that must be won such that they, the parents, never have to fight it again. They didn't understand their responsibilities, and so they dealt with the crisis with a force that lacked authentic authority. They attempted, for example, to out emote the child. They screamed like maniacs. Well, the fact is, folks, a maniac cannot facilitate not facilitate another maniac getting civilized control of himself and submitting to his legitimate superiors. Or, instead of trying to out-emote the child, the parents in question collapsed under pressure. They decided to try and please their child and became, in the process, his enablers. But let's talk first about parents who try to out-emote their toddlers.

Speaker 1: 11:16

Parents often confess to me that they become angry when their children misbehave. When I ask them to explain why they become angry, it's a question they don't expect they say well, I mean, what he's doing frustrates me, which is merely another way of saying I get angry. It explains nothing. In other words, or they say well, john, I get angry because what he's doing or what he just did is wrong. Well, that explains nothing either. My point is, when I ask parents to explain why they often become emotional when their kids misbehave, they can't Not rationally anyway. They start going around in circles, which I then rescue them from by asking please explain to me very slowly, if you don't mind, how a four-year-old child is able to cause a 30-something, 40-something, whatever adult to get upset. How does a four-year-old child, or a two-year-old, or a six-year-old, or a 12-year-old, or an 18-year-old, how does a child manage to cause an adult to get upset? Again, the parents in question never give me an explanation that makes any sense. They can't give me an explanation that makes sense because what they're doing becoming emotionally agitated because a child is misbehaving makes no sense at all. And you can't make sense out of nonsense. Write that down. It was brilliant.

Speaker 1: 13:13

A parent recently said okay, john, you're right, I have a bad habit of losing my temper, and I said the term bad habit, buddy, in that context is a synonym for laziness. Here you are fully aware that you're losing your temper toward your kids. You're fully aware that that accomplishes absolutely nothing and may even be making and probably is making the problem worse. The more you lose your temper, the less authority you project, the more you sink to your child's level, the less respect he has for you and the worse things get. You already know all that and yet you continue losing your temper. Well, that's called just downright lazy temper. Well, that's called just downright lazy. How many of you readers are guilty of being just downright, or listeners are guilty of being just downright lazy when it comes to the discipline of your kids? Huh, come on now admit it. Confessing is good for the soul. There is no downside to confessing.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Why do parents engage in stupid exchanges with their children. What are they thinking? Are you one of them? What are you thinking? Your child demands that you explain a decision you've just made. You won't let him have what he wants. He yells why or why not, and you begin to explain yourself to a child. What a concept. Oh, I know the mental health professional community has been saying for the last 55 years children deserve explanations. They deserve to know why we make the decisions that we make. Really, really. Freeloaders deserve I'm sorry, freeloaders deserve nothing in this case, but love and proper discipline. That's what they deserve. They don't deserve anything else but that. Anyway, in that context, why and why not? Aren't questions? If they were questions, your child would listen respectfully to your explanation and occasionally he would even say well, you know, mom, when you put it like that, I can't help but agree with you, or something akin to that. But that is not what happens. What happens is you begin to explain yourself, he interrupts you, blows his temper in your face, curses, and all the while you're just trying to explain yourself. To repeat myself in that context, why and why not? Are not questions? They are demands and they are invitations to do battle.

Speaker 1: 16:37

The child knows if he can get you into a stupid exchange called an argument concerning a decision he does not like. He stands a chance, however small, of getting his way. The child is the idiot in Las Vegas who plays the slots for hours on end, steadily. The idiot loses his money, but he keeps playing because every once in a while he wins, and very occasionally he even wins big. Well, your child is like that idiot. He challenges you to do battle because every once in a while he wins, and occasionally he even wins big, and he doesn't understand the destruction that he is causing to his family and to himself. Nonetheless, you, an intelligent adult, you keep right on accepting your child's invitation to do battle, even though you know, in calm, reflective moments, that you never win these skirmishes, that the moment you enter into one, you have lost, you have lowered yourself, you have lost. So what we have in a parent-child argument is a parent, an adult, who never wins but keeps on trying to, and a child who occasionally wins, but only temporarily.

Speaker 1: 18:21

The cure for this scenario, which is all too common in these strange days, in these strange days when something called gentle parenting, gentle causes parents to completely lose, it is the most powerful four words in parenting Because I said so or some so or some variation on the same theme. Why? Billy screams because his mother won't let him go to the mall with his delinquent friends. Billy's mother, after merely staring quizzically at him for a few minutes after he screams why? Says do I really need to answer that question again? Do you not know the answer yet? I tell people that you're gifted. Maybe I ought to rethink that. At which, the rug having been pulled out from under him, billy snorts and storms away, yelling something about you being an idiot.

Speaker 1: 19:33

Several days later, billy comes to his mother and asks if she will drive him somewhere to meet some friends or do something like that anyway. And she says oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart, usually I would, I would drive you there, but I can't. Sorry, sweetheart, usually I would, I would drive you there, but I can't, not today or probably tomorrow either. Why not? Billy? Whines. Now I will take a break from my usual policy and answer that non-question. His mother says. The answer is I'm an idiot. I know I'm an idiot because you told me I'm an idiot several days ago, and I'm sorry. Idiots are not allowed to drive cars. It was in this very room, I believe that you called me an idiot. And the answer idiots always give to requests of the sort you just made is Answer idiots always give to requests of the sort you just made is no, I won't, or no, you can't. That's what Billy's mom says. And Billy just stands there looking at her like she's just performed a triple axel right in front of him, mom. He says I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay. And she says well, I believe you're sorry, but I believe you're sorry only because you want something from me. And, billy, I got to tell you I'm really not as stupid as you think I am, and the sooner you figure out, figure that out and accept it, the better for you. And that, folks, is the way it's done.

Speaker 1: 21:21

Once upon a time, not so long ago, before parents began taking their marching orders from psychologists and other mental health types, that was how parents talked to children, mental health types. That was how parents talked to children, straightforwardly, matter-of-factly, authoritatively. When their children acted stupidly, parents kept their cool under fire. Children lost it, parents did not. That was the norm, which means parents who blow up at their kids today, parents who attempt in vain to out-emote their children, have no excuse. If parents were able to keep their composure hosier under fire 60 plus years ago, then parents can still do that same thing today.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Okay, another huge mistake made by today's parents is responding to misbehavior with knee-jerk consequences. The analogy I'm going to use is trying to stop a person from banging discordantly on a piano keyboard by taking a sledgehammer to the piano, trying to frighten the misbehavior in question into permanent hiding. I'm talking here about consequences that aren't thought through in advance and that, for that reason, can't be enforced. Here's an example. All right, I've had it with you. You are never going to have a birthday again. It with you, you are never going to have a birthday again. Okay, a bit facetious, but it makes the point.

Speaker 1: 23:13

Two facts are pertinent here, folks. Fact number one if the parent in question does not project complete confidence in the legitimacy of his authority, no consequence is going to work for long. I'll say it again If the parent in question does not project complete confidence in the legitimacy of his or her authority, no consequence is going to work for long. It may quote work, end, quote for a couple of days, or even a couple of weeks, but invariably it will stop working, the result being that the parent has, in the final analysis, lost ground. Fact number two just about any consequence will work, and fairly permanently, for a parent who projects complete confidence in the legitimacy of his or her authority, even as seemingly small a consequence as simply saying I'm disappointed in you and I hope that you're disappointed in yourself, and walking away. Those are facts, mind you. They're not mere opinions I don't need to say. Those are facts, mind you. They're not mere opinions I don't need to say. Those are not descriptions of how the typical American parent, year 2024, is handling disciplinary matters.

Speaker 1: 25:04

American parents have not been handling disciplinary matters well since 1970. When gentle parenting was first foisted upon them, the only difference being that back then, what is called gentle parenting today was called democratic parenting, collaborative parenting and positive parenting. When are parents going to come to their senses and accept that these progressive parenting philosophies have caused a nationwide train wreck? The mental health professional community insisted that their new ideas would greatly improve general parenting outcomes. Have they? No, they have not. No one is better off today because of mental health, professional parenting, stupid advice. Children are not better off. Since 1970, the mental health of America's children has deteriorated by a factor of 10. Parents are not better off. Since 1970, a process that adults are naturally suited for. The raising of children has become more stressful than running a Fortune 500 company. That's what women actually tell me. Ulcers were once associated with stress-filled jobs. Today they are associated with this thing we now call parenting.

Speaker 1: 26:43

As a result of this train wreck, many, many children enter the terrible twos and never fully emerge from the other end of the tunnel. From the other end of the tunnel, Long past their third birthdays, when the terribles traditionally ended, the children in question are still throwing tantrums, acting like maniacs when they don't get their way. They're still disrespecting and defying authority. In short, they're still acting like toddlers. So to be clear, here's a concise summary of what happened, beginning around 1970. One the entire mental health professional community in America climbed aboard the progressive parenting bandwagon. Climbed aboard the progressive parenting bandwagon, claiming, without evidence, even a shred of it, that thousands of years of successful parenting outcomes were an illusion, that traditional parenting was psychologically harmful to children. Number two thinking that people with capital letters and fancy titles after their names must know what they're talking about, parents by the millions climbed aboard the progressive parenting bandwagon and sent it careening downhill, careening, downhill. Number three because progressive parenting cannot cure the terrible twos it feeds it.

Speaker 1: 28:31

Remember, shortly after 1970, in the advent of postmodern psychological parenting, increasing numbers of American children began coming to school at age four or five, still exhibiting toddler behavior. Toddler behavior. Here it is in a nutshell short attention span, disorganization, failure to complete tasks, impulsivity, defiance, massive tantrums. Span disorganization, unwillingness to complete tasks, impulsivity, defiance, massive tantrums. Folks, those are the defining symptoms of attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, childhood bipolar disorder. Are you beginning to get it?

Speaker 1: 29:53

Number four the mental health professional community responded to the catastrophe they caused by cutting from whole cloth the unscientific notion that children who were inattentive, impulsive, defiant, emotionally labile, etc. Were mentally ill. Emotionally labile, etc. Were mentally ill, meaning they harbored various problems in their brains and central nervous systems that caused those behaviors. That explanation does nothing, folks. It's completely unscientific, unverified. Does nothing, folks. It's completely unscientific, unverified. Covers up the fact that the problems in question were caused by professional advice, also known as psychological propaganda. Number five the mental health professional community invented a set of non-scientific diagnoses which are nothing more than descriptions of normal, albeit often horrifying, two-year-old behavior. After inventing these diagnoses, cutting them out of whole cloth, they sold them to an unsuspecting public and began making tons of money supposedly treating problems they America's mental health professional community caused with their progressive ideas.

Speaker 1: 31:42

If you were furiously trying to write all that down, as I was saying it, forget it. Just go to this week's Substack essay, which you can find under substackcom John Rosemond, which is free to all this week. And that's a wrap. Thanks for joining me for another provocative episode of Because I Said so, which infuriates mental health professionals more than any other podcast on the entire World Wide web, because I tell the truth about them and the damage they've done to the American family. Shakespeare called for killing all the lawyers. I have a better idea. Please, if you enjoyed this and intend to become a regular listener, please tell your friends, relatives, neighbors, co-workers and even people you meet randomly on the street about us and remember to keep on rocking in the free world, ladies and jelly beans, because if we don't keep rocking it, they are going to take it away from us.