Scary Parenting is John Rosemond's alternative to gentle parenting, which ought to be called dumb-as-nails parenting. Scary parents don't give a Rhett Butler what their children think of them, for example. It's very liberating, actually. You really ought to give it a try.ParentGuru: Better Parenting Starts Here
Well, welcome or welcome back, as the case may be, to, because I Said so the only podcast on the entire universe wide web where you will hear the truth old truth and nothing but the truth about psychology and the mental health professions from a psychologist who is licensed by his state psychology board to practice the questionable practice of psychology. Today I'm going to talk about. I'm going to talk about gentle parenting, but I've talked about it before and lest you are possibly one of those people who's heard my take on gentle parenting and you think that all you're going to hear today is just a rehash, that is not the case. You are not going to hear a rehash. You are going to hear new stuff from me, your host, john Roseman, and I hope you enjoy it. And here we go. So, yeah, gentle parenting, which has definitely brought forth the inner lunatic of many a parent but is none the less the parenting rage du jour, is now influencing the names that parents are assigning to their children, and without their children's permission, I must add. According to name Barry. Name Barry, like blueberry, except with name in front of it a baby name website. The current trend is toward names with quote according to name Barry calm or as and mellow sounds, and quote do they get calm or as and mellow sounds? Examples of these new names with calm or as and mellow sounds include a saw I guess that's how you pronounce it, as I don't know Ami, una, alice and Fay. Wow, I fell asleep just typing them and whilst in disposed, I dreamt of clouds and soft, cuddly animals, and I am now considering changing my name to yes. For those of you who don't know what is meant by gentle parenting, don't worry, because no one knows what is really meant by gentle parenting. For example, every gentle parenting pundit that I've run across insists the gentle parenting, stresses the need for discipline and boundary setting, but their definitions of discipline and boundaries are obscure at best. I'm of the impression that said pundits have been told by their marketing departments people think you're weak on discipline and setting boundaries, and so when they use the words discipline and boundaries, they're doing nothing more than creating a smoke screen with which to cover their real agenda, which is to destroy America by encouraging parents to raise future citizens who will confuse freedom with free stuff. When my kids were young, I set boundaries by saying things like if you do that again, you will suffer Like no human has suffered since the Spanish Inquisition. You got that Good, but just to make sure, repeat it back to me, kid, word for word. Obviously, yours truly did not practice or promote anything remotely akin to gentle parenting. Fact is, I've devoted my career to reviving the all-but-lost art of scary parenting. Please do not misunderstand me, however. Scary parenting is not yelling or chasing children around the house while snapping a thick leather belt over your head. Yelling and acting like a berserker is stupid parenting. In that vein, it's interesting to note that the dozens I mean dozens, dozens upon dozens of once gentle parents I've spoken with all confess every single one of them, to having frequent episodes of stupid parenting. Meltdowns. That is, that stopped when they stopped parenting gently and embraced their inner scaries, scary parenting. Scary parenting is simply meaning precisely what one says and standing ready to prove it. So, for example, if a scary parenting tells a teenage child that he must be home by 10 30 in the evening pm and he arrives home at 10 31 pm, no excuses accepted and he's grounded for two weeks, okay, folks, some of you are going what? Huh? No, no, yes, I'll say it again. If a scary parent tells a teenage child he must be home by 10 30 pm and he arrives home at 10 31,. No excuses accepted and he's grounded for two weeks. A repeat after me, everyone who's listening if you give a teen a minute, they will soon be taking an hour. And that's my dog in the background, hannah, the incredible wonder dog, hannah Banana. She I do not try to keep her from barking because it is a lost cause, believe me. Yes, once again, if you give a teen a minute, they will soon be taking an hour. I'm not being facetious, by the way. This is the kind of thing I recommend and I am the scary parent guru. Scary parents do not yell, but their children do. Their children yell about how mean and unfair their scary parents are. Keep in mind, folks. To a child which a teenager is contrary to his own point of view, to a child, a parent is mean when said teenager discovers that said parents mean exactly what they say, and a parent is unfair from the point of view of a child, including a teenager. Someone said parent does not give said child whatever he wants. But back to the example I just gave of scary parenting. Teenager comes in one minute late. He's grounded for two weeks. In short order, said teenage child told he must be in by 10.30, arrives home by 10.15 at the latest. See how that works. You don't yell, you're just scary. The big mistake made by the grifters of gentle parenting is the belief that children are kind and obedient by nature. The big truth, big truth, capital letters in bold. The big truth is quite the opposite. Children are homicidal maniacs by nature. Have you ever witnessed a toddler throw a tantrum? The only thing that prevents that toddler from killing you is the fact that he's only 24 inches high and weighs 24 pounds. God is good. The young human being is a narcissistic sociopath by nature. People think I'm kidding when I say stuff like this. I'm not. You don't need to teach a child to lie. They lie by nature. Did you do it? No, I didn't do it. Who broke this? Not me. They're pathological liars by nature. The young child is not in need of big persons who quote, affirm, end quote, use expressions of pathology. That's what gentle parenting wants you to do. They want you. They call for parents to affirm their children's outbursts of emotional drama. No, sir, re said child is in need of big persons who inform him, beginning during his first year of life, not right off the bat, but you know, like nine months in, he has no rational choice but to submit to your authority. It takes three years, give or take a few months, to instill that understanding in a child, which is why the terrible twos once upon a time were simply that they began around 18 months and ended around 36 months. That is why my first grade teacher, by herself, had no problem teaching 50 children, including yours truly, that's right. First grade teacher, charleston, south Carolina, 52, 53. By herself, no aide, had no problem teaching 50 children, including moi. Unlike so many of today's kids, we early boomers did not bring toddler behavior with us to first grade. They scads of kids bring toddler behavior with them to school and end up, as consequence, with psychological diagnoses which do nothing but cover up the real problem. Toddler behavior short attention span and impulsivity diagnosis. Attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder. Some your child has a biochemical imbalance. Okay, toddler behavior, refusing to obey adult authority, the you aren't the boss of me syndrome diagnosis. Oppositional defiant disorder. Toddler behavior, tantrums. Diagnosis by polar disorder of childhood. It's all toddler behavior, folks. That's all it is. It's toddler behavior in perpetuity. T-b-i-p. Yes, I am saying that those diagnoses have nothing to do with brain chemistry. That explanation is part of the cover up and everything to do with things like gentle parenting. Like I said, it wasn't that long ago that the terrible twos were over with by age three, like 36 months. Today, thanks to horrible parenting advice from psychologists and other mental health types, the terribles are often never ending. You should hear the stories I am told by parents of teenagers who are still stuck in the terribles. Another defining characteristic of scary parenting scary parents don't care if their children like them or not. Let's face it, folks, children are driven by emotion. Ergo, children are, by definition, irrational. The biblical reference, if you're interested, is Proverbs 22-15. Why, pray, tell? Why would an adult care if someone who is fundamentally irrational likes you or does not like you, especially given that, regardless of whether the child likes you or doesn't like you, it's temporary. I thought it was funny when my children made a great display of not liking me. Like I said, I knew it was temporary. Several days would go by and then suddenly said child who didn't like me the day before would seem to like me again and then, sure enough, little time would go by and he or she would ask me for something, daddy, can I? And I would say no, sorry, that's not going to happen. And, of course, the inevitable response on the part of said child was why? And I'd say, let me help you out here. The next time you don't like me, don't make it so obvious, because I am not inclined to grant favors to people who obviously don't like me. So I recommend that you fake liking me for a few days and then ask me again. That's scary parenting folks, and, by the way, I didn't invent it, I just gave it a name. I can't emphasize enough scary parenting is not about doing stupid things like yelling and threatening and jumping up and down and flapping your arms and so on. Scary parents are completely composed. There's nothing their kids can do that will upset them, disappoint them, yeah, annoy them. Of course I mean, let's face it, children can be highly annoying, highly irritating. Cause them concern, yeah, but upset them to the point of yelling and dancing around like a medieval maniac? Absolutely not Scary parents, of the epitome of cool, calm and collected. I'll give you an example, real life, along with three other teenage male idiots and most of them, most males are idiots until they're at least 18, and unfortunately, today I don't know when the idiocy ends. But anyway, along with three other teenage male idiots. The teenage son of a friend of mine was arrested for creating a public disturbance and, yes, alcohol was involved. They are teenage male idiots, after all. He used his one phone call to call his parents and after listening to the kids tale of war, his father asked to speak with the desk sergeant. Phone was passed to the sergeant and the father asked the sergeant if we leave him with you overnight, will you put him in a cell by himself? The sergeant said yes, that is our policy with teenagers. And the father said then keep him overnight. The next day the father went to retrieve his son from jail. I should tell you that this incident occurred at the beginning of summer vacation, when they were both in the car and on the way home. The father informed the boy that he was grounded for the entire summer and would be spending that summer until school began again, transforming the family property into a garden paradise and painting the entire outside of the home. That kid is in his fifties today. He recently told me his parents had probably prevented him from trashing his life. I was on the road to delinquency, john, he told me. If my parents hadn't done that, I would certainly have kept going down that very road. So, people, that's a wrap. Well, it's a wrap on part one of Scary Parenting. Part two is coming next week, when I will give several very specific true life examples of just exactly what I mean by scary parenting, which, remember, is the John Rosemond alternative to really dumb parenting. I mean gentle parenting. If you enjoyed today's episode because I said so, please tell your friends to tune in next week and remember for more psychological heresy from your friendly neighborhood psychologist, me. I also have a weekly sub stack essay that you can find at substackcom. What's the difference between your sub stack essay and your weekly newspaper column, john? Well, folks, I can say things in a sub stack that no newspaper editor would put into print. That's the difference. Anyway, please check it out substackcom. Type my name in in closing. Remember to keep on rocking in the free world, folks, because if we don't rock it, we're going to lose it. See you next week.