Because I Said So!

The Language Parents Speak (Or No Longer Speak)

January 09, 2024 John Rosemond Season 1 Episode 39
Because I Said So!
The Language Parents Speak (Or No Longer Speak)
Because I Said So! with John Rosemond
Become a supporter of the show!
Starting at $3/month
Support
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Children who grew up in the 1950s were told they were "acting too big for their britches" and "children should be seen and not heard" and other things today's kids have never been told, to their detriment.

ParentGuru: Better Parenting Starts Here
Thousands of stressed parents are finding their way to better parenting with the help of ParentGuru.

Parenting With Love and Leadership
Weekly Substack newsletter by Parenting Expert John Rosemond.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Support the show

Thanks for listening! Subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Speaker 1:

We got yourself some children. They all be running wild, driving you crazy. They're keeping you up all night, driving you crazy. They're keeping you up all night long. You better turn on your radio. I love to John Roadman show Because I said so, hello and welcome or welcome back, as the case may be, because I said so the only podcast on the entire World Wide Web where you will hear the truth about America's mental health professions and the chaos, confusion they have created out of something as simple as raising a child. Now we started listening to psychologists and other mental health types and folks. For those of you listening for the first time, I am a psychologist, duly licensed by the North Carolina Psychology Board since 1978. And the North Carolina Psychology Board, in all fairness to them, it must be said they regret the day they ever gave me a license and if you will continue to listen to this podcast, you will discover why that is the case. So for more information anyway, glad you've joined me and for more information on me and my mission, my ministry, you can go to parent gurucom. Become a member. It's worth the money, believe me and you can go to johnrosemancom, where you can find information concerning upcoming speaking events. I'll tell you about them. In February and March I will be speaking in Virginia, southern California and Boston, and that's just so far. If you're a member of a church, in a school and you think people in your church or school would be interested in hearing me talk about what is now called parenting, please get in touch. You can just send an email to either me john johnrosemancom I mean, it's actually just rosemondcom, john rosemondcom or you can send an email to my daughter, who is everything. She is an administrative assistant girl Friday. Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. Amy at rosemond, it's actually rosemondcom. So today's episode of because I said so is titled the language parents speak parentheses or no longer speak, end parentheses. One has to be my age, there about there abouts to understand the meaning of what I'm going to say next, which is that today's parents don't speak the same language that parents in the 1950s and before spoke. I'm not talking about English or French or British. I know, I know British is not a language, but it sounds like a different language. Sometimes Today's parents don't say things like you're acting too big for your britches, young man. You'd better size yourself to those britches of yours, or I'm going to size them to you what's it going to be? Every kid well, I should say every boy. You know young girls. They don't act too big for their britches. Girls don't act too big for their britches until they're older. Every male kid in the 1950s heard that or similar words. We heard those things in part because the 1950s was the last decade during which humility was a virtue. Hardly any child in today's America has heard those words. Today's parents even act like they're trying to grow children who are too big for their britches. I'll explain that in a few minutes. Hang on. Today's parents don't say children should be seen and not heard. Today's parents let their children be seen and heard, much to the detriment of all concerned. Today's parents don't say have I ever told you that I'm a poet, little Johnny? No, well then here's a poem for you. It's not fair and I don't care, because the fair comes once a year. Yeah, did I get that right? So there, mon frère. Today's parents by and large have no sense of humor. Whether kids are concerned, everything is so serious. Today's parents don't say because I said so, because I said so. That's why they don't say it, because that phrase, off-turned my days as a brat, has become the parenting equivalent of political incorrectness. Today's parents don't say it. Instead, they explain themselves to their resident freeloaders because that is what no-nothing psychologists have told them to do. No-nothing psychologists I am a psychologist. I will repeat that again, just to make sure you know I'm a psychologist but I'm not a no-nothing psychologist. No-nothing psychologists have told parents that children deserve reasons. So today's parents give reasons, which is why they get into arguments with their children. The parents cause these arguments by giving explanations to their children, and then these same parents say their children are argumentative. Like their children harbor some biochemical imbalance that causes them to argue. Today's parents don't say have you looked at the trees lately? You have. Have you, then you will have noticed there's no money growing on any of them. Like I said, today's parents take everything seriously and, besides, they buy their children nearly everything they want, because all the other parents are buying those things for their kids and no child must feel different. Haven't you heard On that subject? My parents had no problem making me feel different. I grew up feeling different. I'm glad I did. You are listening to this podcast because it's different. I'm different. I'm the only psychologist in America, perhaps even the world, who is saying the things I'm saying, all of which drives my airs-zats colleagues up the proverbial wall, the knowledge of which gets me through the day. Today's parents don't say to their children you don't need to ask my help with that. You're asking my help not because you can't do it, but because you no longer want to work on it, so I'm not going to help you. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. That was a nearly word for word, direct quote from my mother. When I came to her with a fifth grade math problem and, by the way, my mother had a PhD in the life sciences and taught at the university level my mother was fully capable of doing fifth grade math in her head with a blindfold on. When I ask people my age of theirabouts did your mom ever speak to you in that no-nonsense fashion? Their answer 100% of them is absolutely John. And not just absolutely John, but their mothers, like mine, spoke to them in that fashion on many an occasion. Today's mothers are afraid to talk to their children like that. Today's mothers seem to believe that they must always be nice, that if they're not always nice, their children may suffer some dire psychological apocalypse and never recover and become drug addicts or mass murderers. Fifty years ago, the child was afraid of his mother. And then along came parenting, and along came psychologist giving parents parenting advice, and suddenly mothers were afraid of their children. Before going any further, let me ask you, the listener, a relevant question. It's a parenting quiz, if you will. Do children know what they need from adults? Do children know what they need from adults? Tick, talk, tick, talk, doesz. Time's up. No, children do not know what they need from adults. They only know what they want from adults, what they want adults to give them and do for them. If your goal is to have a wonderful relationship with your child, if that is your overarching primary goal as a parent to have a wonderful relationship with your child then you are going to try to make your child happy, in which case you are going to end up giving him what he wants. You're going to give him a lot more of what he wants, in fact, than of what he actually needs. You're going to say yes when you know you should be saying no. If your goal, on the other hand, is not relationship, but your goal is to raise a competent human being, competency in this context being a matter of character and values then you will give your child what he needs, which will sometimes be what he definitely does not want. Let me repeat that because it is the most important thing I will say In this episode day of this podcast. If your goal as a parent is not relationship, but if your goal is to raise a competent human being, competency in this context being not a matter of how many capital letters your child acquires after his name, how much money he makes as a world famous neurosurgeon or plastic surgeon however the case may be if he's in Hollywood competency in this context is a matter of character and values then you will give your child what he needs, which will sometimes be what he definitely does not want. In other words, you will, at times, make him unhappy with you. If your goal is not to have a wonderful relationship, you will, at times, make your child unhappy. So what? Who cares what a child thinks of an adult? Do you really care? Do you really care what a seven year old thinks of you? I mean, if you do, I don't know what to say to you other than that's just crazy. So why don't today's parents tell their children they're acting too big for their britches? Why don't they tell their children to sit, listen and be quiet, which is being seen but not heard. Why don't they respond to their children's demands for explanations with because I said so? Why don't they tell their kids that money doesn't grow on trees, that they don't need help they're requesting? Why not? Yesterday's parents did? They did all of that and we were fine. Today's parents don't speak the same parenting language that was spoken fifty plus years ago in America, because that parenting language expressed a certain attitude and that attitude has gone the way of the buggy whip. The old way, what parents did and how they thought before psychologists began telling parents that the old way was psychologically damaging, was about growing a child who possessed proper character, proper values. The new way, post-1970, is about making a child happy and successful, a child. One can brag about what I call a trophy child. Today, when a child acts too big for his britches, everyone approves. They might even clap and cheer. When the old way was the way, everyone followed. The family was adult-centered. Today's family is child-centered. When the old way prevailed, a marriage was the most important relationship in the family. Today, the parent-child relationship drowns out the marriage. The old way was about good citizenship. The new way, today's crazy way is about your child's achievement. Old school parents punished their children when they misbehaved. Today's parents talk Child misbehaves. They talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Old school parents taught their kids to solve their own problems. Today's parents solve their children's problems for them. It's called codependency enabling. I'll stop there. I've said it before, I'll say it again you cannot raise children in two entirely different ways and arrive at the same outcome. If you raise children in two ways, you will arrive at two very different outcomes. Today's parents are in bad need of a major attitude adjustment. It's not that they have a bad attitude, they just have the wrong one. America needs a retro revolution in child-rearing, a return to the old school way. We've tried the new school way for 50 years now. If you don't think it's a train wreck, either you're not paying attention or you're putting fentanyl up your nose several times a day and that's a wrap. Folks, you've been listening to Because I Said so the only podcast on the entire worldwide web where you will hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and concerning America's mental health industry, and what a sham and a farce it is From a psychologist. How about that, folks? I'm glad you joined me. I hope you enjoyed it and, if you did, tell all your friends. More information can be had at parentgurucom, johnrosmancom. Until we meet again, keep on rockin' in the free world, because if we don't keep rockin' in it, we're gonna lose it.

The Language Parents Speak
Retro Revolution in Child-Rearing